emilymr's Xanga

And so it begins....

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:15:02 GMT

Micah: Mommy! Hey, Mommy, what day of the week can you touch the sun and not get burned??
me: Hrmmmm. Is it Saturday?
Micah: NO!! [cracking up]
me: How about Friday? I mean... not-Friday? haha get it? You don't get fried because it's not-Friday???
Micah, scornfully: Noooo. [Obviously, he doesn't get my high-brow humor.]
me: OK. Monday? No. Tuesday? NO?? Wednesday? Thursday? Not-Friday?? [Maybe he'll get it this time. Nope.] Saturday????
Micah, gleefully: No! No no no!!!
me: Hmmmmm. How about... Sunday??
Micah: YES!!!! You GOT IT!! [laughing uncontrollably]

I love kid jokes. At least for the first few hundred times.

It's a good thing we're investing all this money in his education

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 05:40:52 GMT

Micah is very interested in words and word games -- he comes by this naturally, as you might be able to guess from his mother's WordTwist stats (aaaand I just discovered I've played almost 9000 games since November 10, 2008. I believe an intervention is in order.). (Oh wait, that was 9000 rounds. Only 838 games. Should that really make me feel better about myself?) (Who is this post about, anyways?).

So Micah's newest love is homonyms. He gets very excited when he thinks of them, and is always asking me things like, "Mommy! How about 'two'? Is THAT one? Like 'two' the number and going 'to' Safeway??" (Yes, Safeway figures almost as prominently in my kids' lives as WordTwist does in mine; in fact, one of Shiloh's first sentences was, "Go Safeway! Get food!") I've been trying to explain the concept of root words, which is why "air" and "bird" do not count (as in air and airplane, bird and hummingbird). Micah accepts most of my nixing of his proposed homonyms, if a bit begrudgingly (deep down, he's convinced that he knows more than I do. Actually, he's convinced he knows more than most people do.). However, he would not budge on "light" -- as in light bulbs and Israelites.

But at lunch the other day, just when I was starting to feel a little smug about my preschooler and his Precocious Delight In Vocabulary, Micah got bored with the homonym game, and moved on to, shall we say, greener pastures. He gazed down at his bowl of canned pears and animatedly asked me, "Hey, Mommy -- do you wanna see the butt crack of this thing??" It's always good to find connections between fruit and anatomy. Although, for the record, I did not see the butt crack resemblance.

Yesterday afternoon, I listened in, umm, pride, as he composed new lyrics to the tune of "If you're happy and you know it." Perched on the potty, while his brother laughed hysterically at the door, Micah howled, "If you wanna smell some poop, come in here (come in here)."

And I was just about to blame the scatalogical humor on DH, but then I remembered that my sister and I once spent an entire 4-hour ride back from church camp writing a multi-verse song about farts. It rhymed perfectly, the meter flowed smoothly, and we employed words of many syllables. So I guess we're all geniuses in this family.

Geniuses who believe in scapegoating, that is. Yesterday morning, upon hearing screaming from the living room, I stomped in and demanded, "WHY is Shiloh always getting HURT??" (I don't know why I ask stupid questions like this, by the way. Do I really think Micah's going to respond, "Well, I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions, so whenever Shiloh does something to annoy me, I attack him. I'm very sorry, and if we can come up with some appropriate coping mechanisms, I won't do it again.") Micah looked at me and said, "Oh, God." I was quite taken aback for a second -- where did he learn to take God's name in vain?? I don't have pristine language, but I don't do that! -- and then he finished up his sentence. "Oh, God. God made him get hurt."

It's good to know we're raising a staunch Presbyterian with a strong command of the doctrines of predestination and divine omnipotence. Of course, his applications tend to be a little on the self-serving side:

"Micah, you may not have that book. Shiloh's looking at it. Stop badgering me about it -- no matter how many times you ask me, I'm still going to say the same thing -- and I am not going to let you take it away from him."
"Wellllllll, I know something that can make you give it to me. GOD can make you give it to me."

"Today is Friday, so tomorrow is Saturday. That means you won't have school again for 3 more days."
"Wellllllll, GOD can make me have school tomorrow."

There's just no arguing with the boy.

Playing catch-up

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 03:13:41 GMT

I don't think either of them quite gets it...

Micah: Shiloh! Give that to me!!

Shiloh: NO! MINE!! One... two....

Micah: Three!

Just call him "Badger"

Micah: Mommy, I really want to get cereal that has toys in it.

me: We don't get that kind of cereal.

Micah: Whhhhyyyyyyyyyyy????????

me: It has too much sugar in it.

Micah: But I reeeeeaaaalllllly want to get iiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt..............

me: We're not getting it, bud.

Micah: But WWHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????

me: I told you. It's not good for you. It's got too much sugar
.
Micah: But I reeeeeaaaallllyyyyy want it. When can we get it Momeeeeeeeeee??

me: We're not getting it.

Micah: But whyyyyy??? Whhhhyyyyyyy???

me: I am no longer having this conversation with you. [ignore ignore ignore lalalala]

Micah: When can we get it, Mommyyyyy??

me: [ignore ignore ignore LALALALA]

Micah: Mooommmmmmeeeeeeeee I waaaaaaaaaaant iiiiiittttttttttttttttt.....

Finally, I distract him with the train set. Industrious activity ensues. I feel triumphant -- I have successfully redirected Mr. One-track-mind!! I am the queen of mothers!! haHaHA Micah James!!!

Twenty minutes later...
Micah: Mommy, when I'm older can I get that cereal?

We like to set expectations low in the emilymr household.

me: Wow, we've only got 2 weeks until preschool starts up again. We should go do something fun tomorrow.

Micah: I know JUST the thing, Mommy.

me: What's that?

Micah: We can go to Safeway ALL DAY LONG. We can bring a lunch and eat there.

Better living elaborated

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:06:10 GMT

Background: Mommy indulges in a small dinnertime meltdown over the constant, never-ending, circular, unfulfilling, infuriating, soul-deadening (yes, I could go on and on) battle to keep our house clean, culminating in choked sobs and a dramatic, wavering finger-point at the gargantuan pile of Thomas detritus in the living room. (And you wonder where Micah gets his, shall w say, flair for the dramatic.) DH, using some parenting techniques he's picked up from the Positive Discipline series, tries to engage Micah in a productive dialogue about what he could do to make Mommy less of a raving lunatic at family meals. Micah is less than enthusiastic about DH's proposed solution.

"I come from a land where kids don't clean up. They play with their toys all day, and then leave them there. People from another land come and pick them up."

Clearly, all these books glamorizing kings and queens are warping his perspective. We need to start reading him The Communist Manifesto so he learns what's going to happen to the people 'from his land.'

Better living through literature

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:27:11 GMT

DH has been reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe to Micah, and it's definitely making an impression. Today, Micah grabbed a pencil and waved it wildly at Shiloh, screaming, "Shiloh! Don't move! I'm turning you INTO STONE!!! Shiloh, STOP MOVING!!!!!" He then tried to turn me into stone while I was sitting on the potty (sorry, it had to be said in the interests of historical accuracy), but I informed him that my magic is stronger than his. I am The Mommy, after all. The White Witch has nothing on me.

Then, this evening while I wrangling the kids into bed (when Daddy's gone, bedtime starts a good 45 minutes early), Micah and I got into an altercation over whether or not he was going to stop running around and kicking his ball through the house. I won (see witch comment), and he collapsed into a wailing heap of sadness. When I told him that he was crying in order to manipulate me into letting him have his way, his tears stopped, his eyes narrowed, and he said, "No, I'm crying because you're not being nice. We have different lands and different worlds and..." His voice trailed off, as he envisioned a world where there were no superfluous adults bossing him around, kids could eat apple pie and then animal cookies and then chocolate kisses, and it was always time to get ready for bed but never time to turn off the lights.

Funny how Micah identifies with the witch.

For K

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:44:30 GMT

Why Micah would be a great wedding date:

he keeps the conversation going (and going and going)
he loves to dance
he's confident -- not at all averse to being the center of attention
he loves new people -- especially if they're adults and willing to provide a captive audience
he won't drink too much and embarrass you in front of your friends*
if the conversation lags, he'll be more than happy to start a rousing rendition of "I've Been Working on the Railroad"
he's a cheap guest for the bride and groom -- he'll eat chicken nuggets (although he prefers cod) (or steelhead) (just ask him)
he already has a snazzy suit
he's really cute
the only thing he'll pressure you for is more cake

Why you might want to go with someone else:

you'll have to pass the Mommy Test (and the church mommy test is NOTHING compared to the preschooler mommy test)
he's likely announce (quite loudly) that he's bored in the middle of the ceremony
you'll have to take him to the bathroom with you
* well, he won't get drunk at the reception, but he might tip over all the chairs at your table and try to make a fort/boat/bunk bed/space shuttle. and he will whine about cleaning them up.
he has a curfew
* you'll still have to be the designated driver

Come on, look at this face!! Don't the pros outweigh the cons??

Again, rage is the great motivator

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:02:20 GMT

After 2 1/2 years of loving 'ni-ni' and collapsing gratefully onto his 'manky' as soon as we deposited him into his bed, Shiloh finally learned how to climb out of his crib. This educational milestone was prompted by a temper tantrum, just like it was for Micah.

Waaaaahhhhhh!!! I know it's 8.30 and I've been a beast for an hour already, but I'm NOT TIRED DO NOT PUT ME IN THIS CRIB YOU MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A MOTHER MY LIFE IS AN ENDLESS STREAM OF INJUSTICE AND TORTURE!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH I'll teach you to stick me in here!

You can't tell, but Micah's egging him on from the sidelines. "Go, Shiloh!! You can do it!! Come on, don't you want to play with your toys?? Just swing your leg over like that -- GO buddy!!"

I have split-personality children. They regularly go from enraged to cheerful (gloating) and back again in approximately 3.1 seconds.

The night did not end well for our young master R--. After mastering the crib-break, he discovered the joys of exiting the bedroom overandoverandover, tearfully harassing his parents for 'wider' (water), and playing the now-accessible contraband electronic toys with his brother. He then was introduced to the hook-and-eye lock.

Further revising my 'easier child' assessment

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 05:01:45 GMT

While I was curled up in a little ball on the couch trying unsuccessfully to ward off a migraine, the boys demonstrated their respective characters.

Both boys

whined about being hungry and pushed a chair over to the babygated kitchen doorway in search of food; Micah climbed over to fetch a snack while Shiloh egged him on
stuffed their fists into the Rubbermaid cereal container and shoveled half of a box worth of dry cereal into their mouths as fast as humanly possible
scattered a quarter of a box worth of dry cereal all over the table, floor and chairs

Micah

kept me company in the living room
played industriously with his legos and made me a gas station
brought me a pillow
turned off the dining room light because it was giving me a headache
checked on Shiloh for me when the silence became too suspicious to ignore

Shiloh

took advantage of my weakened condition and took himself off to greener pastures
played industriously in (as it turned out) my top desk drawer
decorated my white comforter with a blue Sharpie
(re)decorated the bathroom door with a blue Sharpie
decorated his body with a blue Sharpie
showed no remorse

Mooley!*

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:44:21 GMT

* Smoothie!!

Just a little healthier than the deodorant I found him licking this morning... I feed him, I swear!!

PS Note the smoothie in Micah's ear. He informed DH that it started out in his mouth, somehow defied gravity and migrated across his cheek, and ended up basting his ear drum.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:37:26 GMT

No Kidding

me, on the way home from Santa Cruz, after a loooooong day without DH to act as my audio buffer: Micah, I want you stop talking until we get to Alpine. I need to concentrate on driving right now, and you need to give your mouth a break.
Micah: My mouth doesn't have brakes. It just keeps going and going and going and going and...

Speaking Shil-ish

- moo-mee: movie
- moo-goo: music
- bippo: slipper
- mummyboody: hummingbird
- la-la: glasses
- nack: snack